Narcissist vs. Normal Person...all is well while walking the same road...
A narcissist and an empathetic person may react in fairly similar ways *as long as all is well.*
For example, when they are both getting something out of the relationship.
Graduation (or similar ceremony): Pride
Empath: “I’m so proud of you for what you have accomplished!” Narc: “I’m so proud of me for what I have accomplished through you!”
Other in danger: Fear
Empath: “I am so scared for you! You could be hurt!”
Narc: “I am so scared for me. I could be hurt (by being left alone, by missing you, etc.)”
Other gets hurt: empathy/embarassment
Empath: “I feel so bad for you: let me help you.”
Narc: “I feel so embarrassed for me that you got hurt (reflecting poorly on me as a parent, you as a child, or both): let me hide your injury”
Other fails publicly:
Empath: “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go buy some ice cream!”
Narc: “…I was *so* embarrassed…” (may be so emotional they cannot speak, only lash out)
Other is distant: worry/care vs. entitlement
Empath: “Are you OK? Is there anything I have done to hurt you? (Are we “good”?) Or do you just need some space?”
Narc: “I deserve to have more of you. I demand that you come back. My needs and rights are not being met.”
Other sins
Empath: “What you did was wrong. Here is the punishment, and how you can make it right.”
Narc: “You are a dirty, slimy person. I always knew it, and this shows it. Now I will never let you forget.”
Other shows weakness:
Empath: “That’s OK. Nobody’s perfect. Here’s a way that I am weak too….”
Narc: “I always knew you were weak…” or “Here’s five examples of how I am strong.”
Other says they are sorry (both in the wrong: eg. loud argument)
Empath: “No, *I* am sorry” or “It’s OK — I know it was a rough morning, and you didn’t mean it.”
Narc: “Well OK…” (accepts apology, does not apologize for his side, OR apologizes, but rationalizes his faults)
...just a few of the many ways that a narcissist is different than a normal person, even if it looks like they are responding in a similar way...
For example, when they are both getting something out of the relationship.
Graduation (or similar ceremony): Pride
Empath: “I’m so proud of you for what you have accomplished!” Narc: “I’m so proud of me for what I have accomplished through you!”
Other in danger: Fear
Empath: “I am so scared for you! You could be hurt!”
Narc: “I am so scared for me. I could be hurt (by being left alone, by missing you, etc.)”
Other gets hurt: empathy/embarassment
Empath: “I feel so bad for you: let me help you.”
Narc: “I feel so embarrassed for me that you got hurt (reflecting poorly on me as a parent, you as a child, or both): let me hide your injury”
Other fails publicly:
Empath: “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go buy some ice cream!”
Narc: “…I was *so* embarrassed…” (may be so emotional they cannot speak, only lash out)
Other is distant: worry/care vs. entitlement
Empath: “Are you OK? Is there anything I have done to hurt you? (Are we “good”?) Or do you just need some space?”
Narc: “I deserve to have more of you. I demand that you come back. My needs and rights are not being met.”
Other sins
Empath: “What you did was wrong. Here is the punishment, and how you can make it right.”
Narc: “You are a dirty, slimy person. I always knew it, and this shows it. Now I will never let you forget.”
Other shows weakness:
Empath: “That’s OK. Nobody’s perfect. Here’s a way that I am weak too….”
Narc: “I always knew you were weak…” or “Here’s five examples of how I am strong.”
Other says they are sorry (both in the wrong: eg. loud argument)
Empath: “No, *I* am sorry” or “It’s OK — I know it was a rough morning, and you didn’t mean it.”
Narc: “Well OK…” (accepts apology, does not apologize for his side, OR apologizes, but rationalizes his faults)
...just a few of the many ways that a narcissist is different than a normal person, even if it looks like they are responding in a similar way...
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