Throwing Apples

Although we had asked my parents for space , I had no confidence that they would give it to us. My mom had sent an angry and confusing letter . It was very hard to interpret, but what I felt was a strong sense of shame, entitlement (she felt entitled to my space, myself, my children), and no comprehension or respect at all of my boundaries.  One aspect I found very disturbing -- and quite confusing -- was that she mentioned the scenario of meeting in the grocery store, and my awkwardly trying to ignore her, and scoot past her.  This was exactly the scenario I had imagined in my dream , months earlier. I had spent hours obsessing over this image: it was like a PTSD image, that I had on repeat in my mind. How did my mom have the same image/dreams as myself ?  Then she related a dream. This dream was very different than any dream I have had. However, the fact that she was also having symbolic dreams about our relationship also troubled me. Just how linked are w...

Please god deliver me in every way from the emotional, spiritual, social, generational, financial, material, and social media influence of my parents.

Right now. For just now. My purpose is breaking the generational sins. It ends NOW. It’s working on myself so we can raise good solid kids. It’s focusing on raising them right. As they grow, it’ll get more meaningful. Conversations with them, shepherding and discipleship. For example: our son last night coming to us and we talked about introvert/extrovert. Talked about love languages. And how it helps us have better relationships and show love in better ways. That was discipleship! And there’s only going to be more and more of that as the kids grow! Rewards among the mundane. Good reminders: -our oldest feeling free to get out of bed to come talk to us tonight. Open communication! Meeting his emotional need! -hugs, eye contact... those are ways we are eighth now working on breaking generational sins. Meeting their needs that will lead to discipleship as they get preteens and teens. -maybe having teens won’t just be negative but fulfilling!!! -this desire for more is like a p...

Chase health, and you will find God Find health, and ministries will find you. Chase ministries, and you will loose health Loose health, and you will loose touch with God And ministries will devour you. Lay Isaac on the altar? Who is Isaac? What is the altar? Isaac is our most beloved. Altar is obedience. What are we commanded? Husbands, love your wives. Provide for your own — especially the members of your own family. But is there not a time to leave father, mother...wife...daughter...? For God...sometimes...yes For the Muslim convert, sometimes, tragically, yes ...for the married unbeliever that will not reconcile? Who forces us to choose? ...sometimes, yes... Involuntarily. God has called us to peace. Let them go. ...for sickness, injury or imprisonments? Nowhere is safe. Some places less than others. Sometimes, yes, the price is counted, and dangers are faced. ...but do we lay families, wives, children on the altar...of ministry? Which is Isaac, whic...

When is a perfect time to leave? When the ministry is failing, you are fading, and everything has dragged on too long? Or when the ministry is healthy, competent people are in place, and you feel a call to move on? Where is the perfect place to move to , from a long-time ministry? Into another long-term, deep, hard-working ministry? But then, where is the space to mourn the passing of one season into that of another? Or is it better to move out of ministry for a time — into a season of rest, sabbatical and “normal life”? To have space and time in which to heal, refresh, and recalibrate, Before moving into the next ministry? When is the perfect time to leave support? When support drops, when there is no money left, and nobody left to call? 
 When desperate calls and arrangements must be made, and it takes years to dig out of the hole? Many there are who have walked that road. Or do we leave when support is still strong, when there are means to make a change, and when Go...

I feel as though there is a little man inside of me who woke up and came to the office one day to find that the company had been repossessed, he was moving departments, he would have no friends, no acquaintances, no one to rely on, but he would be expected to perform in the new place. That little man is frantically running around his office, trying to grab things, trying to figure out what life will be. I feel angry inside. Not all of me, just part of me. Most of me is quite calm. Things have worked out well. Everyone is happy with us. Things are moving in the direction we have wanted for a long time. We feel God‘s hand, peace and blessing on us. So why do I feel so angry? Angry at home? There is nobody to be angry at. We are the architects of this new chapter. Some have tried to hurt us, but they were unsuccessful. Angry at myself? I don’t think so. I am proud of the courage we have had. Angry at circumstances? I don’t think so. Again, all is working according to plan. We have t...

What We Will Say to Others: “We feel that our work in here is done, and are seeking God for the next chapter of our lives. We will be returning to a retreat centre in Michigan for a month, then to our hometown for a season of sabbatical, until God makes it clear what the next chapter of our lives will be. What We May Say to Close Friends: (Why We’re Leaving) 1. For a Career/Calling that is Satisfying - This one has never really fit: it was a rebound from something else, a ministry that did fit - I do not want to live my life “coasting” or cobbling things together: I can do better than that! - I want to be able to tell people what I do for a living, and feel good about it. It’s silly, but *I want a job description!* - I know that God has something out there for me that will really “fit” and feel awesome for me, and be awesome for the kingdom 2. To be off support - I don’t want to have to ask people for money anymore. It started off hard, and it has gotten worse. It just...

(From my wife's journal) Last night, we got news that my sister-in-law (3yrs younger) has breast cancer. We are shocked by the news. In the midst of everything else, it is hard to find space to process it. Could this cancer come close to our family? They are doing genetic testing, and we are hoping it was due to environmental factors, and we are not at increased risk.