May 6 thoughts

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It is interesting to me that I am more in control of my family then my dad ever was. I tell my kids to clean up, and they do. I suggest we go out for a drive, and people pile into the car. 

My dad stomped and raged: but he was out of control of himself, and showed no consistency. I obeyed, out of petrified fear. But the others did not. And I disobeyed behind his back when I could.

I am in more control of my family than my father ever was. But "control" is not the right word. They love me, respect me, want to please me. Want to do life with me. 

But we all hated and feared my dad.

He seemed to have an iron fist of control: but really, things were always spiralling out of his control, and he only had some semblance of authority when he exploded in rage.

***

Spanking. Perhaps it is important to distinguish between "spankings" and "beatings." 

We were spanked:
1. Very hard
2. Repeatedly
3. With objects
4. Very young
5. Continuing into teen years
6. Not in the moment, but with the threat hanging over us
7. Sometimes, in a terrible rage.

...all of this is very different from what a normal parent would do. For example, tapping a toddler on the back of the hand for hitting his sibling, or (perhaps) tapping a child on the bottom once out of extreme exasperation for the child not listening. Perhaps what I experienced is more like a beating. 

This word is unclear, and means different things to different people. Inprecision in language is a problem. Maybe I will do  a post on this in the future.

***

Why did we hate each other so much? My brothers and I hated one another. We really picked on one another, blamed one another, competed with one another, and disliked one another. As adults, we tended to just drift apart: no particular need to stay in touch. Why?

My kids seem to adore one another. Oh yes, they have little fights. But they make up, cuddle, and hug, and choose to spend time with one another. Why?

I think we hated one another because of the narcissistic games we were always forced to play.

***

Church discipline ? Or unequally yoked?

It occurs to me that my parents will try to say that if we wish to separate from them, we must follow the principles of Matthew: first go to them with their offence (giving them power over us, access to us, and an opportunity to gaslight us, and deny all of our hurt), then bring someone else (giving them a chance to do so in the presence of others) then before the church (giving them a chance to write a mass e-mail to all of our friends). What a mess!

...and yet, as we discussed this, I realized that what I really wish to do is not seek to institute church discipline, but to disassociate from an evil person. Anyone can do this at any time. Really, I am seeking to become "unyoked" with an unbeliever. 

This does not require a large process, because I am not seeking to have them excommunicated, or to make them stop sinning against me. I just want to be left alone.

I am allowed to do that.

They can't force me to do some process. 

They can't get power over me.

***

Evil: a blog post

1. Evil people exist
2. The Bible says to separate from evil people
3. My parents are evil people
4. I am biblical in seperating from them

....these principles are not widely taught in the Church, but they are true, and life-giving. I will champion them in my ministry, going forwards.

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