Every day, write one true thing

-
These past few days have been...crazy. Really, globally, crazy.

It is a crazy time to be a recovering hypochondriac. A crazy time to be someone recovering from PTSD. A crazy time to be raising a family. A crazy time to...be someone with so many plans of what to do with a day off of work!

As I recently had a few shifts cancelled, while more and more bad news rolled in from across the globe, I kind of began spiralling. In many ways.

Spiralling in worry, for sure. But also...what to do? What to do?

I could see opportunities everywhere. People are desperate for news. And comfort. I have a podcast. I have religion. I could meet that need! Also, I have always wanted to write a book. Maybe now is the time? Also, stocks are down. Maybe now is the time to invest? Also...oh great. More bad news. And also, maybe we could spend more time with the kids. And as a family. But also, what about this blog, and also...

My wife took my by the shoulders and said, "you are spiralling." I got a grip of myself. This happened several times.

At one point, I stared bleakly out the window, and asked, "God, what do you want me to focus on right now?" It was faint, but I think the answer I heard was, "Stay the course. Keep doing what you are doing."

We watched Frozen II with the kids a few days back, and the line that stuck out to us from the movie was, "When your hope is gone, and you cannot see the way, just do the next right thing." Well, this blog still feels like a good thing. And honestly, there is something grounding about digging into my past, rewriting my present, and recharging my future.

Do I have something to offer today? Yes, for sure I do.

But I will have so much more to offer the world tomorrow if I continue this journey. I feel at times that it is coming to completion. At least, a chapter is coming to a close. Just a little more: push through. Get the ends to the tapestry tied together. Fold it over and put in a hem, so that the threads do not unravel.

And then? What will be next? Continue with the passion and writing, but on a different topic? Back up and bind portions of this into a book? Write a book on narcissism? Write a fictional story, integrating the insights I have gained into human nature?

Who knows.

But here is my motto.

"Every day, write one true thing."

So long as I keep doing that, I don't think I can help but change the world, serve my king, and walk into my destiny. So that is what I will keep on doing.

...even if there is a pandemic underway. Or maybe especially because of it. The world needs truth right now. And so I will keep writing it. That is all.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Psalm for Victims of Abuse

-
Image
👇 my commentary below 👇 O Lord, You have searched me and known me . You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such  knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You ...
Read more

in sterquiliniis invenitur

-
Image
Before science was alchemy: a combination of religious, philosophical, and pseudo-scientific ideas. Although “archaic” by our standards, these thinkers were the brilliant minds of their time, and their work made way for true science. According to Jordan Peterson, one of their key dictums was in sterquiliniis invenitur. Peterson liked to interpret that phrase as, “what you most need will be located in the place that you least want to look.” But for my purposes, I like the literal: “in filth it shall be found.” Yes, in filth it shall be found. I am on a journey, and I cannot totally control my trajectory. I just know what the next step is, and which rock to look under next. Some places scare me: some intrigue me. Some disgust me. My recent post on “Girlie” disturbed me greatly. It got me thinking in a very uncomfortable direction. Very, very uncomfortable. Will I publish these words? I do not know. But I need to take this journey. Pubishing is a separate issue. I need to ...
Read more

Babbling like a fool...?

-
As I continue to work in this blog, I was rereading my moms email . Two very prominent features in it were her insistence that she worried about me as a mother, and that she “babbles like a fool” — first to my uncle, then to me.  The worry is hard to figure out. Why is she putting so much emphasis on that? It doesn’t seem connected to the surrounding material? But I think that is her way of proving that she was a good mother: so good, in fact, that it aught to counteract any wrongs that she has done.  The babbling like a fool, however, was more confusing. She seemed to be saying, She babbled like a fool to my uncle (who answered monosyllabically) This proved that she was doing all that she could to mend their relationship This proved that he was not interested in maintaining the relationship  This interaction was the “final straw” in their relationship, proving to mom that there was no longer anything there Then, she tells me that she is babbling like a foo...
Read more

The End

-
Image
I think that it is time for me to draw this blog to a close. I wanted to send out a note to thank everyone who has been reading along. During these very intense six months, this blog has helped me to: 1) Define and clearly understand certain terms such as narcissism, psychopathy, evil and "no contact" 2) To comprehend and find some level of healing for my difficult childhood 3) To decide, and become very comfortable with my decision of cutting off all contact with my own parents I am feeling a shift in myself since: 1) I no longer have the desire to talk or think at length about my parents. I have to stifle the urge to yawn when they are brought up. I feel like a veil pulls over my mind's eye when I think about them. It's not fun to think about such wicked people, and there does not seem to be new or relevant things to think about.  2) I do not feel a desire to go deeper into the key issues of this blog, such as the nuances of narcissism, psych...
Read more

Do I Give the Kids the Candy? (Oct. 20)

-
On Halloween, my parents gave our kids a box filled with very expensive cards, and bags of sugar-free candies. We had had issues with giving in the past: the give too much, they give "junk," they give gifts unequally. They give clothes that don't fit our kids. They ask for suggestions, then ignore our suggestions. They give very environmentally damaging gifts, when we are more eco-conscious. These are some of the issues we have dealt with. Also, when gifts are given, there is an expectation that we will take pictures of the kids opening them, and thank them. Gifts are a big deal, and a source of tension.  So when I got a box of gifts, for halloween (who gives gifts for halloween?) while there was tension between us, I spent time journalling. What was I to make of this gift? Should I give it to the children or not? ** Am I giving the kids the cards? The Candy? No to the cards. Why? Because they are trying to be goofy and inviting, trying to lur...
Read more

How my mom made me mad... (Dec 10)

-
How my mom made me mad In a previous post, I mentioned that I had gotten very mad at my mom as a teen. Mad enough to yell “I hate you” at her. And for this, I was spanked. With a belt. As a 16+ year old. And I apologized for it. Try as I can, I cannot remember the specific thing that made me mad. However, I was able to remember the  feeling. As I focus on that feeling, a cluster of other memories comes to the surface.. ** I was sitting on the computer (now in the main area of our house) playing video games. I did that for hours at a time. They weren’t even fun or “good” games. My brothers were into World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy. But I didn’t play those games. I played simple games like solitaire, and basic, cheesy games with poor graphics. Much better games were available. Why was I playing so much? It is hard to say.  I was trying to find work, but not having much success. Why wasn’t I having success?  I had a job as a dishwasher one da...
Read more