The last spanking
I have been trying to access my deep memories often on for a few weeks. I wanted to remember being spanked. For some reason, these memories were locked. My counsellor told me, “your subconscious will never let you see anything you are not ready for.” So I guess that was it. I just wasn’t ready.
One day while relaxing with my wife in the evening, we were talking a little bit above my parents. Suddenly, I said, “the last time that he spank me, it was because I told my mom, “I hate you.” I spoke monotone. It was ideas, concepts. There were no images, no emotions. I did not have access to that. Just a brutal facts of what happened.
I took out my belt, and folded it in half. This is how he held the belt. He did it two times, and said that was enough.”
“How old were you when this happened?“ My wife asked.
“I must have been about 16.“
“That is abuse! He should not have done that to you. That is abuse!“
“The second one hit on my lower legs. Below the Botox.” I remember because it hurt a lot more there. I was not expecting that. In my mind, I could see a red line where that hit. And that was it. That was all I was allowed to see.

One day while relaxing with my wife in the evening, we were talking a little bit above my parents. Suddenly, I said, “the last time that he spank me, it was because I told my mom, “I hate you.” I spoke monotone. It was ideas, concepts. There were no images, no emotions. I did not have access to that. Just a brutal facts of what happened.
I took out my belt, and folded it in half. This is how he held the belt. He did it two times, and said that was enough.”
“How old were you when this happened?“ My wife asked.
“I must have been about 16.“
“That is abuse! He should not have done that to you. That is abuse!“
“The second one hit on my lower legs. Below the Botox.” I remember because it hurt a lot more there. I was not expecting that. In my mind, I could see a red line where that hit. And that was it. That was all I was allowed to see.

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