Dream: my parents playing tennis

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I dreamt of my parents again last night. We were all at some kind of a retreat centre or event. My parents were there as though there were no problems. As we watched some kids playing tennis, one of them made a bad shot and my birth father made a comment something like, “oh great. What a terrible shot! Not like that! Now I have to go get it...” it flashed me to all the ties he said this to me as a child, and made me very angry. 

Later, I began angrily (or passionately) explaining  to them boundaries. “It is like a body. You have all of your guts and blood in there, behind your skin. I have my blood and guts in here behind my skin. We are seperate. We may do things together: maybe our skin can touch. But the things on the inside need to stay on the inside. My emotions and finances and private life are mine, and you shouldn’t have tried to meddle like you did, or ask me to become enmeshed in your life!”

My birth father nodded very humbly and intelligently and I suddenly realized that I had walked into a trap. By laying out all that they had done wrong, my birth father would just agree not to do that anymore (also subtly implying that my requests were unreasonable), and promising that they would go “above and beyond,” to do anything to fulfill even these “unreasonable” requests. Then what could I say? I was trying to explain why I was pushing back: this was not an invitation for them to come close. 

Although it felt good to set boundaries and “set them straight” in my dream, it ended with me in confusion, trying to figure out how I had somehow been roped into giving them access again. 

My waking mind thinks: “and this is why we are not doing yet another round of boundary setting with them. They always agree, comply for a short time, then just start to creep and push into things are worse than before. I’m just done with that nonsense.”

I also don’t believe that I can trust them at all with my children — in particular my daughter — right now. We have been over this, and I know that I am right. It is not open for discussion: and so discussing boundaries is a moot point, because the boundary is basically no contact. 

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