Cancer... (Sept. 22)

-
(From my wife's journal)

Last night, we got news that my sister-in-law (3yrs younger) has breast cancer.

We are shocked by the news. In the midst of everything else, it is hard to find space to process it. Could this cancer come close to our family? They are doing genetic testing, and we are hoping it was due to environmental factors, and we are not at increased risk.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

in sterquiliniis invenitur

-
Image
Before science was alchemy: a combination of religious, philosophical, and pseudo-scientific ideas. Although “archaic” by our standards, these thinkers were the brilliant minds of their time, and their work made way for true science. According to Jordan Peterson, one of their key dictums was in sterquiliniis invenitur. Peterson liked to interpret that phrase as, “what you most need will be located in the place that you least want to look.” But for my purposes, I like the literal: “in filth it shall be found.” Yes, in filth it shall be found. I am on a journey, and I cannot totally control my trajectory. I just know what the next step is, and which rock to look under next. Some places scare me: some intrigue me. Some disgust me. My recent post on “Girlie” disturbed me greatly. It got me thinking in a very uncomfortable direction. Very, very uncomfortable. Will I publish these words? I do not know. But I need to take this journey. Pubishing is a separate issue. I need to ...
Read more

"What are you waiting for...?"

-
I have this overwhelming sense that I am “waiting“ for something.  I am not quite sure what it is. But I feel in someway that I cannot move on until “it” happens. I feel that I need to have some sort of resolution with my parents. Some sort of confrontation. Yes, not a reconciliation, a confrontation .   I feel like my body is building up for this, and my subconscious is telling me, “you need to be prepared for this! You can’t let this destroy us!” Sometimes I feel like, “well, why don’t I just avoid this forever? Never talk to them at all?“ That seems like a very viable and good option. But then I feel like it is still out there, and I have to spend the rest of my life just waiting.  Why is that? I realize I feel like I have done something wrong, and I am waiting for dad to come home to “spank“ me. After I would not let dad hold my girl as a baby, he was mad at me, and gave me the silent treatment for six months. When we finally talked, he let loose and ...
Read more

The End

-
Image
I think that it is time for me to draw this blog to a close. I wanted to send out a note to thank everyone who has been reading along. During these very intense six months, this blog has helped me to: 1) Define and clearly understand certain terms such as narcissism, psychopathy, evil and "no contact" 2) To comprehend and find some level of healing for my difficult childhood 3) To decide, and become very comfortable with my decision of cutting off all contact with my own parents I am feeling a shift in myself since: 1) I no longer have the desire to talk or think at length about my parents. I have to stifle the urge to yawn when they are brought up. I feel like a veil pulls over my mind's eye when I think about them. It's not fun to think about such wicked people, and there does not seem to be new or relevant things to think about.  2) I do not feel a desire to go deeper into the key issues of this blog, such as the nuances of narcissism, psych...
Read more

A Psalm for Victims of Abuse

-
Image
👇 my commentary below 👇 O Lord, You have searched me and known me . You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such  knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You ...
Read more

The Scapegoat

-
These are lyrics to a song which is, at the moment, only in my head. Perhaps someday I will be able to get the song onto paper, or into a recording. I hope so... The scapegoat C#m Dirty hands on the head of the goat G#m Filth and blood defile a white coat F#m It’s your fault (it’s your fault)…     G#m You have no place here, Be gone A wilderness, a wilderness Alone, wandering from myself (I’m further from my own/home) Those dirty hands on my back They still hold me still They hold me still… A fathers love, a mothers kiss A needy hug, a caring fist It’s your fault it’s your fault it’s your fault You make me so mean…now... A trusted friend, and a wicked sin He said that my beauty, it pulled him in It’s your fault it’s your fault it’s your fault Why didn’t you scream? (it’s your choice now…) Be gone now... I hate myself, I punish the sin guilty hands, they strangle within I can’t go I can’t go I can’t go, I am the wilderness... (key change...
Read more

Hotel California: A place of emotional incest

-
Image
The Hotel California Feb 21 As I was thinking more about emotional incest (see post, “ The Hurt in her Eyes ”), I thought of the song, “Hotel California.”  On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim I had to stop for the night. There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell And I was thinking to myself 'This could be heaven or this could be Hell' Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely place (such a lovely place) Such a lovely face. Plenty of room at the Hotel California Any time of year (any time of year) you can find it here Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends How they danc...
Read more