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Emotional Incest, Covert Narcissism, and Manipulation (With a Controlling Mother)

It. Was. Not. Me. (vomiting the shame from my mother) (Nov. 18)
Hypnotherapy: "I am not responsible for my mother's emotions"
How my mom made me mad... (Dec 10)
More thoughts on Bon Jovi
Why Narcissistic Grandparents are Bad for their Grandchildren
Analyzing the Letter from my Mom
The toxic mother hen
Whatever...there's crazy people everywhere...
Dreams: The needy alligator, and planet "dad"
The Pain in her Eyes
Hotel California: A place of emotional incest
What, do you want a medal or something...?
Babbling like a fool...?
Pictures from the past, part 1: receiving an envelope
Pictures from the past, part 2: bypassing mental “protectors
All her fears into me...?
When little boys hate their mothers...
Diagnosing my parents, Cluster-B

Stockholm Syndrome, Complex PTSD, and Fear (With an Angry Father)

Pedophile or Creep? (Feelings of uneasiness around an unhealthy person)

Narcissism vs. Emotional Health in Religion

Symbolic Dreams

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May 6 thoughts

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It is interesting to me that I am more in control of my family then my dad ever was. I tell my kids to clean up, and they do. I suggest we go out for a drive, and people pile into the car.  My dad stomped and raged: but he was out of control of himself, and showed no consistency. I obeyed, out of petrified fear. But the others did not. And I disobeyed behind his back when I could. I am in more control of my family than my father ever was. But "control" is not the right word. They love me, respect me, want to please me. Want to do life with me.  But we all hated and feared my dad. He seemed to have an iron fist of control: but really, things were always spiralling out of his control, and he only had some semblance of authority when he exploded in rage. *** Spanking. Perhaps it is important to distinguish between "spankings" and "beatings."  We were spanked: 1. Very hard 2. Repeatedly 3. With objects 4. Very young 5. Co
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The Scapegoat

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Meeting my pastor/mentor

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Today, I met in person with the pastor and mentor who has been reading this blog, and who wrote me encouragingly before . He had initially expressed some hesitation about my post concerning narcissism in the church . As we discussed this, I told him that it was intensely frustrating to myself that my parents are continually given a platform to speak and minister in churches, and set forwards as sterling examples of Christian piety. "You may be surprised to know," he said carefully, "that the leadership here was not nearly as accepting of your parents as you seem to think." I had asked him for more details via e-mail, but one thing lead to another and we haven't been in touch. Pandemic, end of the world. You know, minor inconveniences. As we sat and talked -- a careful six feet apart, of course -- he carefully began, "you had asked me to relate to you my experience with your parents." A kind and gracious man, I knew that my friend had thought ca
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21 rules of no contact

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From the book, " A Christian's Guide to No Contact ," by Sister Pitelli: 21 Rules of No Contact No talking to them no matter what happens and no matter what you hear.  No letting them talk to you, No listening to anything they say, No “hearing them out.”  No letting them into your house, on your porch, or on your property- and No going to their house. If it is possible to move, then move, get a P.O. Box, and don’t let them know when or where you’re going. Do not leave a forwarding address at the post office- after the forwarding period is up, any card or letter your abuser sends to you will get returned to him with your forwarding address on it. Instead, contact each of your creditors, friends, and anyone you want to keep in touch with individually and advise them of your new address. Never use your street address. Use your P.O. Box as your address on everything- including your driver’s license, car registration, credit cards, deliveries, bills, etc. This will bu
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The Pact

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Lately, I have been thinking about “the pact.” It is a bit like this: a great many people have signed up for this pact. It is invisible. It is often subconscious. It is not healthy. But, it seems to promise something to the people signing it. What is the key affirmation of this pact? “Should a victim come to you, seeking freedom from their abuser, send them back to their abuser.”  This is the pact.  It is a bit like sarlaac in Star Wars. The one who lived at the bottom of a terrible hole, and would digest its victims slowly for a thousand years. That is what it feels like to live in the tormented orbit of an abuser. Not killed, but…digested. No longer who one wishes to be, but infected and overrun by the toxicity of the other.  And all around are spikes. Not spikes pointed up, but spikes pointed in. There is pain only for those withing to leave, not those wishing to enter. "Come willingly, leave some of your joy, and leave as you will," says Dracula
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A Psalm for Victims of Abuse

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👇 my commentary below 👇 O Lord, You have searched me and known me . You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such  knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You form
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