Categories

CATEGORIES

Emotional Incest, Covert Narcissism, and Manipulation (With a Controlling Mother)

It. Was. Not. Me. (vomiting the shame from my mother) (Nov. 18)
Hypnotherapy: "I am not responsible for my mother's emotions"
How my mom made me mad... (Dec 10)
More thoughts on Bon Jovi
Why Narcissistic Grandparents are Bad for their Grandchildren
Analyzing the Letter from my Mom
The toxic mother hen
Whatever...there's crazy people everywhere...
Dreams: The needy alligator, and planet "dad"
The Pain in her Eyes
Hotel California: A place of emotional incest
What, do you want a medal or something...?
Babbling like a fool...?
Pictures from the past, part 1: receiving an envelope
Pictures from the past, part 2: bypassing mental “protectors
All her fears into me...?
When little boys hate their mothers...
Diagnosing my parents, Cluster-B

Stockholm Syndrome, Complex PTSD, and Fear (With an Angry Father)

Pedophile or Creep? (Feelings of uneasiness around an unhealthy person)

Narcissism vs. Emotional Health in Religion

Symbolic Dreams

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Psalm for Victims of Abuse

Image
👇 my commentary below 👇 O Lord, You have searched me and known me . You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such  knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You ...
Read more

in sterquiliniis invenitur

Image
Before science was alchemy: a combination of religious, philosophical, and pseudo-scientific ideas. Although “archaic” by our standards, these thinkers were the brilliant minds of their time, and their work made way for true science. According to Jordan Peterson, one of their key dictums was in sterquiliniis invenitur. Peterson liked to interpret that phrase as, “what you most need will be located in the place that you least want to look.” But for my purposes, I like the literal: “in filth it shall be found.” Yes, in filth it shall be found. I am on a journey, and I cannot totally control my trajectory. I just know what the next step is, and which rock to look under next. Some places scare me: some intrigue me. Some disgust me. My recent post on “Girlie” disturbed me greatly. It got me thinking in a very uncomfortable direction. Very, very uncomfortable. Will I publish these words? I do not know. But I need to take this journey. Pubishing is a separate issue. I need to ...
Read more

Dream of my parents

Image
I dreamed that I saw my parents yesterday. They came up quite quickly on me in a crown. Before I knew it,, and was sideways hugging me. I gingerly took his arm off my neck. “Oh, we are doing that?“ He asked. He feigned surprise, but backed off. My mother was more difficult. She pretended to be ill, and fell down, forcing me to pick her up. When I hold her up and I needed to carry her around like a child she shrink down to the size of an ugly child, and I can still feel her boney hips clinging to me. I still felt as though they were able to use social pressure to manipulate me in that dream.  it feels like a weakness, but really, what weakness is it to feel the need to respond to a salutation, or to offer someone simple kindness when they fall down? But for a narcissist, these things are Weaponized. I will try not to think too much about this, except that perhaps I should study the book “the Christians guide to no contact,“. I believe there are rules of no co...
Read more

A new counsellor

Image
Today I met with a new counsellor. Her services are free, due to our local crisis and addictions services. She sounds to be in her fifties or sixties. I was skeptical at first. She introduced herself as being feminist in training, as not placing much stock in the DSM-5 definitions, such as narcissism and psychopathy, and that she saw most things through the filter of abuses of power.  I let her know that in another context, we could probably have a long discussion about these issues. I was troubled that she did not believe that narcissism was a useful category: but understood what she meant, in saying that a person was more than a label. I determined to give her a solid try, and was glad that we were able to get most of our cards on the table within the first ten minutes of our call. I identified my core issues as: - Raised by narcissists: very religious, very needy, very self-centred - Dad: violent temper, survived by reading his mind. Psychopath, didn’t care ab...
Read more

"What are you waiting for...?"

I have this overwhelming sense that I am “waiting“ for something.  I am not quite sure what it is. But I feel in someway that I cannot move on until “it” happens. I feel that I need to have some sort of resolution with my parents. Some sort of confrontation. Yes, not a reconciliation, a confrontation .   I feel like my body is building up for this, and my subconscious is telling me, “you need to be prepared for this! You can’t let this destroy us!” Sometimes I feel like, “well, why don’t I just avoid this forever? Never talk to them at all?“ That seems like a very viable and good option. But then I feel like it is still out there, and I have to spend the rest of my life just waiting.  Why is that? I realize I feel like I have done something wrong, and I am waiting for dad to come home to “spank“ me. After I would not let dad hold my girl as a baby, he was mad at me, and gave me the silent treatment for six months. When we finally talked, he let loose and ...
Read more

The toxic mother hen

Image
Last night an expression came to me, “Mother hen.” It’s not a super common expression, but all expressions can be useful. This one seemed to express something really key. Mother hen can be an endearing term. “Look at my little daughter…she’s such a mother hen with her kittens/dolls/toys.” But can be a bit scary/odd: “My boyfriend is nice. A bit of a mother-hen though. Sometimes I wish he wouldn’t worry so much about me…” What is a mother hen? According to Google: a person who sees to the needs of others, especially in a fussy or interfering way. "Josephine got to be a real mother hen, giving everybody a bit of what they needed" I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this, so I’m just going to start writing. I started thinking about this because I brought my car in to be fixed, and also asked for a job, at a local family-owned business. I brought my resumé here last out of all the employers I approached, because it was a place my dad worked, and I h...
Read more