Genetic Cancer (Oct. 11)

-
Text message:

My sister called to say it’s a genetic cancer. I can choose to be tested to see if I have the same markers. If not, then no worries and my kids have no chance of it either. If I have the marker, then ALL my kids (boys and girl) can inherit it. It’s a more rare form of genetic markers. Her chances of reoccurring are very high, so she’s getting a mastectomy of both breasts. Also higher chances of developing ovarian cancer and such. Whoosh, what terrible news!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

in sterquiliniis invenitur

-
Image
Before science was alchemy: a combination of religious, philosophical, and pseudo-scientific ideas. Although “archaic” by our standards, these thinkers were the brilliant minds of their time, and their work made way for true science. According to Jordan Peterson, one of their key dictums was in sterquiliniis invenitur. Peterson liked to interpret that phrase as, “what you most need will be located in the place that you least want to look.” But for my purposes, I like the literal: “in filth it shall be found.” Yes, in filth it shall be found. I am on a journey, and I cannot totally control my trajectory. I just know what the next step is, and which rock to look under next. Some places scare me: some intrigue me. Some disgust me. My recent post on “Girlie” disturbed me greatly. It got me thinking in a very uncomfortable direction. Very, very uncomfortable. Will I publish these words? I do not know. But I need to take this journey. Pubishing is a separate issue. I need to ...
Read more

"What are you waiting for...?"

-
I have this overwhelming sense that I am “waiting“ for something.  I am not quite sure what it is. But I feel in someway that I cannot move on until “it” happens. I feel that I need to have some sort of resolution with my parents. Some sort of confrontation. Yes, not a reconciliation, a confrontation .   I feel like my body is building up for this, and my subconscious is telling me, “you need to be prepared for this! You can’t let this destroy us!” Sometimes I feel like, “well, why don’t I just avoid this forever? Never talk to them at all?“ That seems like a very viable and good option. But then I feel like it is still out there, and I have to spend the rest of my life just waiting.  Why is that? I realize I feel like I have done something wrong, and I am waiting for dad to come home to “spank“ me. After I would not let dad hold my girl as a baby, he was mad at me, and gave me the silent treatment for six months. When we finally talked, he let loose and ...
Read more

The End

-
Image
I think that it is time for me to draw this blog to a close. I wanted to send out a note to thank everyone who has been reading along. During these very intense six months, this blog has helped me to: 1) Define and clearly understand certain terms such as narcissism, psychopathy, evil and "no contact" 2) To comprehend and find some level of healing for my difficult childhood 3) To decide, and become very comfortable with my decision of cutting off all contact with my own parents I am feeling a shift in myself since: 1) I no longer have the desire to talk or think at length about my parents. I have to stifle the urge to yawn when they are brought up. I feel like a veil pulls over my mind's eye when I think about them. It's not fun to think about such wicked people, and there does not seem to be new or relevant things to think about.  2) I do not feel a desire to go deeper into the key issues of this blog, such as the nuances of narcissism, psych...
Read more

A Psalm for Victims of Abuse

-
Image
👇 my commentary below 👇 O Lord, You have searched me and known me . You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all. You have enclosed me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such  knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is too high, I cannot attain to it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You ...
Read more

Hotel California: A place of emotional incest

-
Image
The Hotel California Feb 21 As I was thinking more about emotional incest (see post, “ The Hurt in her Eyes ”), I thought of the song, “Hotel California.”  On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim I had to stop for the night. There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell And I was thinking to myself 'This could be heaven or this could be Hell' Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely place (such a lovely place) Such a lovely face. Plenty of room at the Hotel California Any time of year (any time of year) you can find it here Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends How they danc...
Read more

How my mom made me mad... (Dec 10)

-
How my mom made me mad In a previous post, I mentioned that I had gotten very mad at my mom as a teen. Mad enough to yell “I hate you” at her. And for this, I was spanked. With a belt. As a 16+ year old. And I apologized for it. Try as I can, I cannot remember the specific thing that made me mad. However, I was able to remember the  feeling. As I focus on that feeling, a cluster of other memories comes to the surface.. ** I was sitting on the computer (now in the main area of our house) playing video games. I did that for hours at a time. They weren’t even fun or “good” games. My brothers were into World of Warcraft and Final Fantasy. But I didn’t play those games. I played simple games like solitaire, and basic, cheesy games with poor graphics. Much better games were available. Why was I playing so much? It is hard to say.  I was trying to find work, but not having much success. Why wasn’t I having success?  I had a job as a dishwasher one da...
Read more