Babbling like a fool...?

As I continue to work in this blog, I was rereading my moms email. Two very prominent features in it were her insistence that she worried about me as a mother, and that she “babbles like a fool” — first to my uncle, then to me. 

The worry is hard to figure out. Why is she putting so much emphasis on that? It doesn’t seem connected to the surrounding material? But I think that is her way of proving that she was a good mother: so good, in fact, that it aught to counteract any wrongs that she has done. 

The babbling like a fool, however, was more confusing. She seemed to be saying,

1. She babbled like a fool to my uncle (who answered monosyllabically)
2. This proved that she was doing all that she could to mend their relationship
3. This proved that he was not interested in maintaining the relationship 
4. This interaction was the “final straw” in their relationship, proving to mom that there was no longer anything there
5. Then, she tells me that she is babbling like a fool in my direction. 
6. The implication seems to be that if I respond in the way my uncle did, then I will have the same consequences. The relationship will be over. 

I relate all of this because I think I had a bit of a breakthrough in my thinking towards my mom. After all of the counselling, hypnotherapy sessions, and session with my wife, I really feel like my ties to my mom are finally cut. At least, the vast majority of them are. Also, I know a lot about her favourite techniques like shaming, gaslighting, and manipulation. I can spot it a mile away. 

When I first got moms email it really rocked me. Had I gotten it a year ago, it would have destroyed me for months. It is a very crafty, very tightly worded letter of gaslighting and manipulation. But now? Now I see right through it all, like a child playing hide and seek under a blanket in plain sight. I know exactly what she is doing. And...it just makes me laugh. All her attempts to control me — to cast a spell on me, almost — fall to the ground, wither, and die. 

She is babbling like a fool. Not because she has changed, but because I have. I have cut the ties. I have healed the wounds. I have healed myself.  She can’t touch me now. 

But she still tries: when she does she just makes herself look foolish. 

She always seems to allude to the real truth, and speak of her deepest fears in these confusing emails. The real truth is that she is the fool, and I am the sane one. The fear is that I will recognize it. In recognizing it, the relationship will be over. 

I have seen through your spells, enchantress. Your reign is over. My heart is my own now, and you have no power here. 

Begone.