Dreams: I killed the wicked witch... Nov. 8

Nightmare

I was woken up at 4:00 am with a nightmare.

I had killed her.

It was a little evil woman that had been tormenting my wife and I. I don’t remember all of the dream. But this little evil being had been part of a conspiracy against us. Her words were so evil. Finally I grabbed her by the neck, and squeezed. Just enough to make her stop talking.

I can still feel the wrinkly, stale filth of her body under my hand. Her neck felt like squeezing a roll of very old leather. She had a very prominent Adam’s apple. It is thus that I squeezed.

But this was part of their plan. They had weakened her neck, and it broke, and she died. They had won because now I was a murderer.

The little being — “a vexen, I thought” even though I’m not sure what that means — was about the size of a baby, but all grown up and withered like an old woman.

But even now she wasn’t dead. Maybe she wasn’t a thing that could die. But she was dead enough to condemn me...I was a murderer

***

I also suddenly noticed that I had left the water on to fill the pool. Now the pool/lake was high, but there were only bubbles coming out of the hose. Had I ruined our well? Oh no! I woke up in a shock.

***

Interpretation:

Is there an evil family spirit that followed my family? Especially my moms side? If there were, it would by a spirit of victimhood. The desire to control others, absolutely, through being always unwell. The desire to over-invest in ministry also comes from that. Could my desire to be a martyr have come from this?

The final victory of that control is suicide: the person kills them self (or threatens to) to control the others.

The final victory OVER that spirit is to ignore it. “If you live or die, that is not my problem. I am free from you.” This is squeezing it’s throat, to make it silent. But she died to spite me.

But actually, in my dream, she wasn’t really dead. Only dead enough to make me guilty. To call me a murderer in a fictional crime, a conspiracy against me.

In further reflection, I thought of my Grandmother on my mom's side, who called me one day to tell me (in a monotone, droning voice) of her many serious conditions. “And so I am going to die” it was implied, not said. “And so please tell your parents.” I was a young teen at the time. I didn’t know what she wanted from me. Pity? Obedience? Yes

She wanted to control me.

“But she was really sick. She wasn’t faking it..”

Yes, but my grandmother on my other side (who is really a great person) is REALLY dying, and all she can think about is praying for people and sharing her faith, and talking to everybody about her precious Jesus. You don’t have a choice to be sick, but can decide what to do with it.

Although...at times I wondered if my mom decided to be sick, and certainly decided to use it. Doctors had told her to her face that she was a hypochondriac. Most of the things she is "sick" with, nobody can detect: that's why they are travelling all over getting testing, but never finding anything.

There is an implicit threat hanging. “If you reject me, I will die.” But she will not. She may make herself very sick, but she will not die. She will be just fine. And even if she does, that is her choice, and not mine.

**

The well was empty. How could I survive without my mother? Without a well of water beneith me? But the pool had transformed into a cool clear lake. It was very large and fresh. Maybe I didn’t need a well, if I had a lake.

Woke up and read


Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.
Proverbs 27:10 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Proverbs%2027:10&version=NASB

***

This morning I saw a kind and good man in the mirror. I told him I would be kind to him. The little boy looked me in the eyes and I could tell that he believed me. I think we will be friends now.

He is a very good man, the man in the mirror.

I like him.