Request for new contact information, from my parents

[Words in italics written retroactively on February 25th] Over the course of several months, I ignored numerous phone calls from my parents. They did not leave phone messages, or write e-mails. I sensed that my dad knew that he had a significant advantage in a face-to-face conversation, or in a phone call, where he would have the emotional and verbal "edge." It caused a lot of anxiety every time he called, and I did not exactly know what I wanted to do. I told myself that I would not speak to them until after our retreat. Then, after our retreat, I decided I was enjoying the silence, and wanted it to continue. 

When we moved and got new cell phones, I did not give anybody our new information. Hence, my parents didn't get it either.

Sometime around this time, my sister-in-law contacted me, letting me know that my parents had contacted her. They said something to the effect of, "We don't have Ishamel's address. So I guess we'll just send his presents to you...if you don't mind passing them on. By the way, could we have his phone number and address?" Since she had had issues with them in the past, she said she would ask us. I told her that if he wanted something, he should ask me directly: I could see they were trying to triangulate, and draw her in. That night, my dad sent me two e-mails back to back:

***

HI Ishmael,

My apologies for asking your older brother for your phone number.  Mom was filling out forms for her Pension Plan, and needed your S.I.N. number so she could get an extra benefit for taking off work to raise kids. The online form had a time limit, so I was frantically getting the sin numbers.   

Please let us know how you're doing when you get the time and energy.  We'll be in town in a couple of weeks, hopefully we can touch base with you then.  

Love you.


Dad.

***

Hi Again,

Also, which email is your current email.  

We'd appreciate your phone number, but don't feel pressured to send that.  As long as we have one way of getting a hold of you.  

***

It is, of course, very minimalistic and irenic. It's hard to describe the effect it had on me. I think "pressure" is the best word. I had the profound sense of, "we are just over here waiting. We are good, normal people. I'll even give you permission not to give us your phone number...as long as we have one way of getting ahold of you. It did not stand out to me at the time, but even in this slight turn of phrase, he seems to be demonstrating that he is in charge. "OK, we can give you more time on your own. We will even let you not give us your phone number (it's not that you are denying it...we are letting you do that) as long as we have a way to get ahold of you.

What they really wanted to know my address. That was what they were really fishing for. 

Would I give it to them? Would my silence end? 

What was I going to do?