It was that dog...

I have had several events lately where I was treated unfairly, and rather than back down (which is my normal habit) or else I’m getting extremely mad and from flustered (which also happens) I got angry, but in a very assertive and firmly. I said things with a level voice which were absolutely true, and forcefully delivered. I really said some people in their place! I surprised myself.

Last week, I got a call at work from somebody who should be giving me free services. We had had a slight miscommunication, and he was blowing it out of proportion‘s, and denying me services from his office. I called him up, to try to resolve the situation, and he actually gaslighting me! He said I had said things that were not true, and he was barring me from services for this reason. I told him that I had not said that, I did not appreciate him putting his interpretation of my words in place of my words. He would need to reconsider his actions, because my next action would be to send a formal complaint to his supervisor. My boss was ringing me on the work intercom, so I had to go. I told him I had to go, and hung up abruptly.

This situation is still unresolved. But I am surprised, a little scared, but mostly pleased with my behavior.

As I was driving home, I was thinking more about myself. “Am I becoming my dad? My dad would use his anger to get what he wanted. People were scared of him. I think that guy is now scared of me. Am I becoming my father?“

But I thought of a list of ways that I am very different from him and how I handled that:

• I did not threaten physical harm
• I did not vaguely threaten
• I did not become so angry that my physical or vocal appearance was altered, and I became scary
• I did not do anything that would warrant someone being personally afraid of me
• I did not do anything which would be grounds for a police restraining order

I was simply very assertive, I spoke my mind, and I let someone know that excuse me, you can’t change my words and deny services that are owed me. You need to give me what I deserve.

As I was driving and thinking about this, I thought suddenly came to me, with clarity as though someone had yelled at:

“It was that dog!“

I thought of the dog (a golden retriever), that had replace the serpent of shame and self hatred in a previous hypnotherapy session.

My next thought was, “I need to make sure that this dog stays tame!“

And I think there is some danger there. At least, something to keep my eye on. However, it is very interesting, and comforting to know more (but mostly just really interesting!) that in silencing shame, I have awakened something inside which loves me very much, will always give myself the unconditional love that I need to get through situations, he will get angry on my behalf with my rights are violated, but he will never bite my children.

I think this is the description of what it means to be a healthy assertive person. Not a pushover, who lets their rights and their children’s rights get trampled. Not an angry person that has basically weak, but needs to rely on anger to get the job done… But then can’t let it go, it ends up yelling at his family. But assertive: able to speak truth forcefully when needed, then able to let it go.

I was really physically affected by my conversation. However, after a few hours it started to fade. After I thought through this thing about the dog, the whole thing seems kind of funny. I thought of what my counsellor said: “the appropriate time to feel an emotion is when you feel the emotion.” I feel like I said exactly what I needed to say, to exactly the person I needed to say it, and exactly the voice I needed to say it. So there was nothing else to do. I gave him his options. His move.

I didn’t need to hold on to anger, and I could feel it draining from my body. And I didn’t need to be afraid in the future, because I knew that whatever his next move was, I had the strength within me to withstand it. Seriously, I am becoming a force to be reckoned with! I scare myself, but in a totally good way.

Two images came to mind. At the end of the movie “kung fu panda,“ the protagonist learns that the trick to unlock the secrets of kung fu is to truly believe in himself. When he understands this, the enemy keeps punching him in the belly, but it just tickles. A glowing blue light comes from his belly, and the fists just bouncing off. I felt like that, as I thought more about the conversation. It kind of made me giggle. He can’t hurt me anymore. He tried, but I sat him in his place. Not that I was self-righteous, it just didn’t hurt. It was kind of funny. (0:44 in the clip below)

The second image was of the slime monster from Ferngully. This is a pretty old movie by now. But the slime monster is born from the oil and machinery from an evil tree cutting machine. He grows and grows. At a certain point, he throws back his arms and Bellows up to the sky. He has become so powerful! That’s a dark image. But I feel like my subconscious is using it as a positive one. That is me. Up from the ashes. Putting myself together piece by piece. I am becoming so strong! I like who I am becoming.

I like having my dog at my side once again.

Chantelle Neufeld is a registered hypnotherapist. Her services are reasonably priced and available online. To book an appointment, click here.