Throwing Apples (Welcome to my new blog)
Today I discussed with a counsellor my frustrations at not being able to express myself, and he suggested writing under a pseudonym. And so here I am.
This is a blog about a good boy, a pastor, a former missionary, a father, and a dedicated Jesus-follower making sense of his childhood raised by...emotionally difficult...fundamentalist parents.
I am still mid-journey, but I am finding that I process through writing, and I believe that this blog will be a private and a helpful place for me to do that.
Over the past six months or so, a "gut" feeling, which caused me to cancel a visit has lead me on a journey of discovery. I have learned that the label "narcissism" fits my parents quite well. Also, "emotionally immature." Also, books which speak of "evil" parents and "toxic" parents have rung true. I have temporarily cut off contact, and I feel that I am just experiencing the tip of the iceberg of their fury. The worst is yet to come. As I prepare for that storm, every day seems to bring new revelations about myself, my childhood, God, my faith, and the strange household that I used to call "home."
As a good Christian boy who has always been taught to respect, submit to, look up to, and above all, never speak ill of my parents, these revelations have...quite literally...shaken me to my very core.
I hope that this journal will also be helpful to others, who may be going through similar journeys.
Since I want to record the whole grand sweep of my story, I will be posting retroactively for a while: have a look at the dates at the top, and you will have an idea when I wrote them. I am hoping to catch up quickly to today's date, and so I will post one per day until caught up.
Thank you for reading, and welcome along on my journey.
I end with a small (but really, quite large) request. The point of this is, of course, to be anonymous. If you know my identity, that is a gift. Please do not abuse it. Feel free to share the blog, but not my name, even to people that you consider trustworthy. Thank you.
This is a blog about a good boy, a pastor, a former missionary, a father, and a dedicated Jesus-follower making sense of his childhood raised by...emotionally difficult...fundamentalist parents.
I am still mid-journey, but I am finding that I process through writing, and I believe that this blog will be a private and a helpful place for me to do that.
Over the past six months or so, a "gut" feeling, which caused me to cancel a visit has lead me on a journey of discovery. I have learned that the label "narcissism" fits my parents quite well. Also, "emotionally immature." Also, books which speak of "evil" parents and "toxic" parents have rung true. I have temporarily cut off contact, and I feel that I am just experiencing the tip of the iceberg of their fury. The worst is yet to come. As I prepare for that storm, every day seems to bring new revelations about myself, my childhood, God, my faith, and the strange household that I used to call "home."
As a good Christian boy who has always been taught to respect, submit to, look up to, and above all, never speak ill of my parents, these revelations have...quite literally...shaken me to my very core.
I hope that this journal will also be helpful to others, who may be going through similar journeys.
Since I want to record the whole grand sweep of my story, I will be posting retroactively for a while: have a look at the dates at the top, and you will have an idea when I wrote them. I am hoping to catch up quickly to today's date, and so I will post one per day until caught up.
Thank you for reading, and welcome along on my journey.
I end with a small (but really, quite large) request. The point of this is, of course, to be anonymous. If you know my identity, that is a gift. Please do not abuse it. Feel free to share the blog, but not my name, even to people that you consider trustworthy. Thank you.
Comments
Post a Comment