A time to tear down...?

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I just finished a post on, “what I have tried,” with my parents. 

In that post, I mentioned that there is likely no other person on earth on whom I have lavished so much focused attention. Not my children…probably not even my wife. That is really messed up.

It is a time to end this.

Already, I have seen that I am capable of ending threads of the journey. I have had various “tabs” open in my mind. For a while, there were quite a few of them open. Now, the thread of narcissism is mostly resolved. I have closed off the thread of emotional incest (with my mom). I have closed off the threads of psychopathy with my dad. 

I need to put some energy into figuring out which tabs are still open, and actively doing whatever work is necessary, and closing them off. Cauterizing the wound.

It is just time to stop thinking about them so much.

The research can continue. I still want to learn how to think about God in new ways, and retell the Christian story in a way that makes place for victims of abuse. I want to study the themes of evil and foolishness in the Bible.

But I don’t want these evil people taking up any more place in my mind or daily life.

They have had too much already.

It is time to move on.

Really. Move. On.

I need to think about other things, other people, and redirect my thoughts in more productive directions.

(Of course, this is not saying that I will short-circuit or rush anything. I will take the time that I need. But I want to push towards the finish line and try to finish up this journey. It cannot stretch on forever, and has already been quite the journey.)

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