Consultation with a lawyer
[I unloaded my issues, and discussed my situation, then waited for him to speak...]
"Well look, you have the right to be left alone. You can lock the door, take your phone off the hook, and just ignore them. That is your right."
OK, but what if they file for grandparent rights?
"Well yes, that is their right. According to Bill 34, a child should be 'surrounded by as many family members as possible.' And so if they want to take you to court and try to prove that they have a right to have visitations. However, this is very expensive and right now the courts are closed due to Covid."
Is there anything that I could do to prepare myself for this?
"Well, it is your right not to contact them, and it is their right to try to prove that they have a right to visitation. They will need to try to prove that it is in the best interests of the children to see their grandparents."
It seems like the law is about the rights of the children, not about the rights of the grandparent. Is that accurate?
"That is true. They would need to prove that visitation is in the best interests of the child. I would just recommend that as your children age, they have more and more rights. And so if you have a teenage child, and he wants to see his grandparents, that may be a harder thing for you to stop."
That's not really an issue for us, as our kids have always had very limited contact with them.
I have a feeling that they may want to show up on my doorstep and have a confrontation. Is there any way that I can avoid this?
"You can get a no contact order."
How do I do this?
"You will need to talk to your local police station. A restraining order is usually between two spouses, but can also apply to other situations. They will need to see evidence that they are a threat to you or your family."
What sort of evidence?
"Text messages, e-mails, phone calls, anything like that. Here is a link on the process for obtaining a restraining order. You can also write a signed affidavit."
What is that?
"That is where you write something, and have it notarized with a lawyer. And you swear, on threat of purgery, that what you are saying is true. That is considered a legal document at that point."
Is a no contact order the same as a 'restraining order'?
"Yes. You can also get a peace bond. This is a more extreme form of restraining order. It is for when you believe that you are in serious danger. In this case, if the person simply approaches you, it is considered a criminal act and they would be subject to arrest. But you will need to appear before a judge and present substantial proof to be awarded a peace bond."
In their will, my parents made a lot of demands on me, including demanding that I allow the remaining parent to stay with me, and to maintain their camper if dad passes first.
"Look, a will is a statement of a person's wishes. And executors can be named. An executor is someone who is requested to carry out the wishes of the deceased. But an executor can always refuse these requests. That is their right."
My parents have always been very bad with money. Can I be liable for their financial mess when they pass?
"No, like I said, the executor is always free to refuse the requests. The only thing is, if you refuse, then you will not receive the benefits or inheritance that may be coming to you."
I don't think that will be an issue. Can I be liable for their debts?
"No. Normally, if no executor will handle the estate, the government will step in and bury the deceased and handle their debts. In very rare cases, the government may require a family member to become the executor of the estate. But I have never heard of that. It is very very rare."
What if they call Child and Family Services on us, on fabricated charges?
"You can't prevent them from doing this. But look, child and family services are not stupid. They get fraudulent claims made all of the time. I would recommend that if they come, just comply and let them look around, and then they will leave. Just be sure that you comply and are not resistant to them: if you are resistant, then you may create a problem. But just let them come and look and everything should be fine."
OK, so I think that's all of my questions. Thank you!
"Yeah, so just...you have the right to lock your door and hang up your phone. If they show up, call the police. If they try to sue you, it will be costly and difficult. You can do a signed affidavit and try to prove that they are not a good influence on your children. If they call child and family services, just comply and they should go away with no incident."
Thank you, have a good day!
***
As we discussed this information later, it was difficult to swallow at first. It is somewhat troubling to think that there really is no way to protect ourselves from a potential lawsuit, or from a malicious call to Child and Family Services.
As we talked more about it, it seemed less likely that my parents (my dad especially) would call child and family services on us. Child and Family services (and counsellors in general) always seemed feminine, inscrutable, and evil to my dad. It is not that he would be incapable of it: but for him it would be a bit like making a pact with the devil. Also, there would be a possibility -- however slight -- that his grandkids could be swept up into the foster-care system and far away from himself. And so this possibility seemed remote. It is still troubling that it is even a possibility.
It seemed far more likely that my dad would try to sweet-talk his way into the favours of the local police chief. The police and court systems seem like a masculine and rational place: a place where my dad can use his strengths to his advantage.
The thought of going to court seems very troubling to us. But after we talked about it, we realized that the very best that they could be awarded would be supervised visits: and this is what we would have to give them, if we wanted to appease them without a battle. And so we would not be losing anything. We can handle the very worst. It's not like we're talking about losing custody of our children.
But who wants to think of going through a legal battle?
I think that the best thing out of this call was the "signed affidavit."
I am so frustrated at my past self, that I deleted or burned all of my parent's "bad" and crazy letters and e-mails. It was part of my previous dysfunction to protect my abusers. I can't be hard on myself.
But now, were I to try and prove their dysfuction, I would have precious little evidence.
However, I could collect insights and memories from this blog, have them notarized, and that could be my evidence. This is a very powerful insight.
These conversations have taken a lot out of me. But I am glad to have more concrete information about how to handle the legal aspects of this conflict.
This information is for Ontario, Canada.
This post is not meant as legal advice.
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