Forgive and forget?

Abusers rely on “forgive and forget.” It is their bread and butter, the lifeblood of their dysfunction. 

When things are bad, victims duck and hide, disassociate from the pain, blame themselves, or blame others. But when the storm is over, the victim is so relieved they may confuse this relief for genuine happiness, even love. They would often do anything to have this peace, even forgiving the abuser, absolving him/her of all guilt, and promising to “watch their behaviour” ever more closely so that the abuse doesn’t happen again: accepting the blame for the abuse, and walking deeper into bondage so that the current storm ends. 

So long as they forget what they have been through, the abuse can continue. 

But if they start keeping track, stop listening to the false apologies (which have no repentance in them), and begin to see the overall pattern...the jig is up. 

Forgiveness means many things to many people. It is important not to hold on to bitterness. But any version of forgiveness which includes enabling abuse for ones self or others is wrong. 

But so long as good church people keep telling them to “forgive and forget,” there is little danger of this happening...

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Note: I shared this is a group, and a member commented that the above is called, "trauma amnesia." It is the condition by which a victim becomes conditioned by the abuser to forget about the abuse.

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Note to self: (expand on this later)

To the pure all things are pure 

One way of distorting scriptures is applying rules to healthy people. "But the law is for evil people, murderers, etc..."

Another is legitimizing abuse. Rules which hold for loving relationships cannot be applied only one way. For example, a wife cannot love her husband self-sacrificially, while the husband loves her in a selfish way. This is not love, this is abuse. The Biblical commands only work if both are following them.