Spankings, or beatings?

From time to time I see people saying, “I believe in spanked,” or, “I was spanked, and I’m not traumatized.”

I get what you are trying to say. You are taking a stand against the modern permissive attitudes in parenting, and the belief that all boundaries for children are bad. Perhaps your parents gave you a flick on the back of the hand, or a single smack on the bottom with a bare open hand when you got out of line as a young child. 

But this is not the experience that everyone has had.

Some of us were spanked repeatedly.

Some of us were spanked with belts, spoons, paddles, books, or anything that was at hand.

Some of us were spanked in a blind rage.

Some of us were spanked, then asked, “Are you sorry yet?” If the correct response was not heard, spanked again. And again. And again. Apparently this cycle could have gone on forever if we did not say what was desired.

Some of us were spanked well into our teen years.

Some of us were spanked not just for real offences, but for imagined ones such as our perceived attitudes, or our thoughts.

Some of us were spanked as a fear tactic: an action coupled dread (“just wait until your father gets home…”), an action done in front of the other children to cause them to fear, an action coupled with yelling, desperate struggles to escape, yelps of pain, and chaotic and disturbing moments. Moments of terror that left a deep mark on some of us. Marks that live on well into adulthood.

Some of us were taught that spanking was our great family secret. We were to be proud that we had been spanked: it showed that we were loved (the Bible even said so!) and it would give us good character. But if we ever told anyone else, the mean and unreasonable people from child and family services would come in, take us away, and destroy our family.

This is the experience that some of us have had.

…and so just remember that when you post on social media that you are so proud of spankings.

I understand what you are saying.

But not everyone’s experience of spanking is the same.