Workplace without Royce

I came in to work today with Royce’s locker emptied out, and Kim sitting there ready to work. 

Kim was extremely friendly, and he made his voice extra low and soft like he does when he is trying extra hard to be friends.

Kim was shocked that Roy said left, since he always enjoyed working with him. He asked why, and I said it was because of his discontent with people not cleaning up, and not feeling safe and not feeling her.

I wasn’t going to stick my neck way out and unload all of Royces frustrations on to Kim.

Kim related s dream he had had, where just the night before, he had asked Royce, “Are you well? Are you fit for work? Are you struggling with something in your home life?”

…”And then I show up to work and he’s quit! Well, he’s done this before. Maybe once he resolves his issues in his home life, he will be back. 

His coworker soon showed up and was equally surprised. 

Was hard to hear them talk. In their confusion and surprise, they worked out that Royce was a chronic complainer, and that he had issues of some sort that had contributed to his leaving. 

If Royce had wanted to send a message, it definitely was not received.

It was a confusing morning. The whole workplace seems to have shifted. I have had a very strong loyalty to Royce: but I cannot stay loyal to someone who is not here.

As the day went on, I began wondering if maybe their version of the story is correct? At least, partially so?

After all, they are here. They are working. Maybe they are not doing an exceptional job: but they are here. Royce is not. And without Royce, there are very few conflicts. Even I don’t remember why exactly I was trying so hard to identify and resolve the problems in coworkers.

Royce has mentioned on several occasions that there was a very troubling workplace death that scarred him as a child. He walks with that daily, and it affects him every day. And so maybe his feelings on that cause him to be overly concerned with things in the workplace which are not totally correct, but are not necessarily something that can lead to death.

…although this is not quite true. I was very uncomfortable working with Kim, on one of his “bad days.” I hadn’t been working with Royce at this time. His behaviour was unsafe, and it definitely put me at risk. I will not drop this point: I need to watch myself with Kim in the workplace. 

I noticed, however, that the tension that I had felt between myself and the cross-shift seemed to melt away. Although the friction seemed to have been building like pressure between tectonic plates, with Royce leaving people are assuming that the pressure was due to him and not due to myself. I did write a very influential letter: but people may not know that it was me, and if they did, I am still new and that was a one-time thing. They may think it was unusual.

It is time to decide what sort of a workplace I wish to work in, and how to conduct myself going forwards.

I was surprised later in the day to hear one of the supervisors (not Joe, but the one just higher than him, who does not yet have a code-name) quietly mention a few things that Royce used to do that irked him. He commented that we were on time with our loads for the first time in months, on the first day without Royce. “He’s such a complainer,” he had said. It was surprising to hear this from a manager, who otherwise was a very reasonable person and not prone to pettiness or gossip.

I thought to myself:

“Work performance is a very subjective thing. And so make sure that people like you, or else they will not appreciate you, no matter how well you do.”

I realized that my nit-picking behaviour would not make friends, if I continue in it. I can keep performing exceptionally well, but without pointing out the flaws of others.

I also thought how for all of his great work, Royce also seemed to have a lot of pent of negative energy. Has he been channelling that to me? Have I been picking up on it? I am not too proud to say that I can be influenced by others: in fact, I find that I am very influenced by the atmosphere in a workplace. I think it comes from being raised as a “codependent.” I am not sure that it is entirely wrong, or entirely unusual: I may just be more aware of it than others.

Today, I found that the workplace was very peaceful, and we worked together as a team for the first time in months. 

So maybe, Royce really was the bad guy, in a way? At least, his criticism of others may have contributed in part to the workplace being such a tense place?

***

Royce has left a gaping hole in many ways. I was asked to get the pumps working in one section of the plant where Royce normally maintained things. I have literally never been back there: it was always Royce’s thing. I spent the day slogging through chemicals and trying to figure out new technology. By the end of my shift, I had things more or less working. 

My supervisor was impressed, and thanked me.

***

Many posts ago, I had mentioned how Joe does lead in a sort of narcissistic way. I questioned how a healthy person could lead? It occurs to me that I am leading in my own way. I am working hard and showing an example. This is leadership. It has an effect on the workplace. I do not need to send e-mails all the way to management to influence the workplace. If people see the work, and see my attitude, that is bound to have an effect. If they can inlufence me, I can influence them too. I believe that I can influence this place in a good direction.

It also occurs to me that with every place that I organize, I take ownership. There was once a storage container that was completely filled to the top with junk. I took several afternoons and carefully organized it. The transformation was stunning. Now, whenever we need a new hose fitting, it is I who go in there and get things out. I know exactly where things are. 

Joe has taken to calling it, “Ishmael’s café.” Now, the pumps and chemicals have become my domain. I know how they work, and have built some tools to maintain them. 

Although they still have not trained me on some basic operations, I have slowly taken ownership of certain aspects of the plant. Have become the “go-to” person for doing special projects, and getting stuff done. In these ways, my job is absolutely secure. (Well, that was never in doubt, apparently, since they won’t even fire Kim). But I will also always be a very valuable employee, and have a place of importance in this workplace.