Narcissism in the Bible (unfinished book outline)

-
Definition
  • Narcissism is an extreme self-focus
  • This self focus causes certain predictable patterns of pain and trauma 
  • There are different types of narcissism, and other conditions, such as psychopaths, sociopaths, sadists, codependency, etc. Which provide further precision 
  • There are a range of words and expressions which have been coined to help identify the key issues in toxic relationships 
  • These same issues were examined, from a religious point of view, in the Bible. 
  • There is much overlap, but one cannot simply equate things: psychology provides a more scientific and precise view, while the Bible provides a more wholistic, religious view, which integrates faith and the believing community. 

Note to reader: may be overwhelming to read all of these, knowing much depth behind each of them
Suggest taking tests, evaluating toxic person. Focusing on 2-4 that apply
Note 2: often self-doubt. Leads yo thoughts of “I’m just as bad.” Consider taking tests yourself. Find out. Also, test a “normal person,” for comparison. 

Psychological analysis of biblical characters 

Classic narcissism
  • A classic narcissist is big, loud, domineering, and creates a world with himself at the centre 
  • Pharaoh 

Codeoendency 
  • Those raised under narcissists often become codependent, or people pleasers (Israelites in desert)

Hidden narcissism 
  • Some narcissism is more covert/complex 
  • King Saul  

Narcissism in a marriage 
  • Some marriages become a union of evil: both are narcissists in own ways 
  • Covert/overt/fragile
  • Ahab/jezebel

Narcissistic family dynamics
  • Some families become infected with narcissism
  • Some narcissists are not as “full blown,” but their true colours become shown over time 
  • The evil comes out when others move past them, become happy, or try to shake their control 
  • 12 sons
  • Golden child: envy, rivalries, murder (hatred)
  • NOT necessarily part if large families, even mixed marriages : many harmonious large families. They are the norm 
  • Note Jacobs attitude throughout 
  • Cain/Abel
  • Laban/Jacob 

Antisocial personality disorder 

Sociopaths 
  • Some people are so disorderly and evil, their influence “burns” everyone they touch, including people loyal to them
  • These people tend to end up in jail, or else tyrant war lords
  • Gideons son

Psychopaths 
  • Some people are chillingly successful at being evil, and hiding it

Dark triad:
  • some can combine all of these, and add machiavelluanusm 
  • King Herod the great 

Did: multiple personality disorder 
  • Everyone experiences having “many voices” in their heads 
  • Some people fragment these voices to become distinct personalities 
  • This can go so far as multiple personality disorder 
  • This can be milder, but no less toxic: a personality that comes out only when angry, drunk, sexually aroused, etc. 
  • This can be complicated, because only have a relationship with one of the personalities: deny or never see the others
  • King Saul (son never saw the other side until much later, switched back and forth on David)
  • One personality may be psychopath, etc

Histrionic
  • Jezebel, at end 


Biblical perspective 
  • Let us return to survey the same material, from the Bibles point of view 
  • Much overlap
  • See how psychology gives more detail to picture 

Fools
  • Think they know everything, nobody can talk to thrm 
  • Nabal

scoffers
  • After Absolom 

divisive men
  • Korah

Envious 
  • Cauin/Abel
  • Difference between churches “spurred on” and rivalries: try to tear down
  • Malicious gossips



Performance-based religion
  • busybodies

Answers to questions:
  • are all sins equal?
  • Besetting vs repenting of suns
  • Forgiveness, without real change? (Repentance). Did 

Section two: responses to trauma

Codependency 
  • Israelites in wilderness
  • Couldn’t accept freedom
  • Feared entering promised land
  • Mistrusted and attacked good leaders/people 
  • Longed to go back to slavery 
  • Wandered in desert “until death”
  • ...must put your death part if you still slave to person 

Depression
  • Elijah/Jezebel
  • Trying to change: see progress, then stone wall and agression: sends into spirals 
  • Needs to give up on him, appoint new king
  • Samuel: same thing 

Trauma bonds/Stockholm 
  • Israelites



From codependent to assertive 
  • taking charge of life
  • Joshua 
  • Gideon

Silent enablers
  • People beside king Saul: did nothing 
  • Time to take action!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

May 6 thoughts

-
Image
It is interesting to me that I am more in control of my family then my dad ever was. I tell my kids to clean up, and they do. I suggest we go out for a drive, and people pile into the car.  My dad stomped and raged: but he was out of control of himself, and showed no consistency. I obeyed, out of petrified fear. But the others did not. And I disobeyed behind his back when I could. I am in more control of my family than my father ever was. But "control" is not the right word. They love me, respect me, want to please me. Want to do life with me.  But we all hated and feared my dad. He seemed to have an iron fist of control: but really, things were always spiralling out of his control, and he only had some semblance of authority when he exploded in rage. *** Spanking. Perhaps it is important to distinguish between "spankings" and "beatings."  We were spanked: 1. Very hard 2. Repeatedly 3. With objects 4. Very young 5. Co
Read more

The Scapegoat

-
These are lyrics to a song which is, at the moment, only in my head. Perhaps someday I will be able to get the song onto paper, or into a recording. I hope so... The scapegoat C#m Dirty hands on the head of the goat G#m Filth and blood defile a white coat F#m It’s your fault (it’s your fault)…     G#m You have no place here, Be gone A wilderness, a wilderness Alone, wandering from myself (I’m further from my own/home) Those dirty hands on my back They still hold me still They hold me still… A fathers love, a mothers kiss A needy hug, a caring fist It’s your fault it’s your fault it’s your fault You make me so mean…now... A trusted friend, and a wicked sin He said that my beauty, it pulled him in It’s your fault it’s your fault it’s your fault Why didn’t you scream? (it’s your choice now…) Be gone now... I hate myself, I punish the sin guilty hands, they strangle within I can’t go I can’t go I can’t go, I am the wilderness... (key change) I am
Read more

Meeting my pastor/mentor

-
Image
Today, I met in person with the pastor and mentor who has been reading this blog, and who wrote me encouragingly before . He had initially expressed some hesitation about my post concerning narcissism in the church . As we discussed this, I told him that it was intensely frustrating to myself that my parents are continually given a platform to speak and minister in churches, and set forwards as sterling examples of Christian piety. "You may be surprised to know," he said carefully, "that the leadership here was not nearly as accepting of your parents as you seem to think." I had asked him for more details via e-mail, but one thing lead to another and we haven't been in touch. Pandemic, end of the world. You know, minor inconveniences. As we sat and talked -- a careful six feet apart, of course -- he carefully began, "you had asked me to relate to you my experience with your parents." A kind and gracious man, I knew that my friend had thought ca
Read more

Sowing and reaping...

-
Image
I recently was thinking about my parents. What will they feel when I completely disown them? I am a naturally compassionate person. I keep thinking of the pain it would cause me were I in their shoes. The pain it may cause them. I don't like these thoughts. I don't want to cause anyone pain. But then, the thought came to me, “well…what do they expect ?” Really…what do they expect? After treating me this poorly for this long…if they don’t on some level expect this, then they are really out of touch. It’s like mistreating a dog for years, and all of a sudden it bites you.  Like neglecting a car for years, and it leaves you stranded. Neglect, control, and abuse a child, and one day, he will reject you and chose to live his own life. What were you expecting, exactly…?
Read more

21 rules of no contact

-
Image
From the book, " A Christian's Guide to No Contact ," by Sister Pitelli: 21 Rules of No Contact No talking to them no matter what happens and no matter what you hear.  No letting them talk to you, No listening to anything they say, No “hearing them out.”  No letting them into your house, on your porch, or on your property- and No going to their house. If it is possible to move, then move, get a P.O. Box, and don’t let them know when or where you’re going. Do not leave a forwarding address at the post office- after the forwarding period is up, any card or letter your abuser sends to you will get returned to him with your forwarding address on it. Instead, contact each of your creditors, friends, and anyone you want to keep in touch with individually and advise them of your new address. Never use your street address. Use your P.O. Box as your address on everything- including your driver’s license, car registration, credit cards, deliveries, bills, etc. This will bu
Read more

Gifts in wartime

-
Image
Part of the difficulty of writing this blog is being aware that healthy people will read it, and completely misunderstand it. As Chantal reminded me: “you can only have empathy for something that you yourself have experienced.” This May not be completely true: I felt for my wife as she gave birth. But I will never really understand what she went trough.  Take the giving of gifts.  My mom used to lavish my kids with very costly gifts. Easily spending upwards of $100 per birthday. Then giving on Easter, Valentine’s Day, and every other holiday. Enough that I worked (legitimately) that they were squandering all of their retirement wealth on needless gifts.  Now, in wartime, the gifts continue, but are different. Cheap things from the dollar store. Toys too old, to young. Disproportionate gifts. All of the things that we asked them not to do. And then there is junk.  One day, years ago when things were good, but I let slip that we travelled far to visit a friend she does
Read more