Throwing Apples

A family memory that is earlier than my own recollection is the day I feel down my grandma (dad's side)'s wooden stairs, as a very young toddler. My father told the story over and over, which is why I know of it. Apparently, I had been sleeping upstairs, when I woke up and found the stairs. Trying to descend, I tumbled down. It was the sort of “oh crap” moment that happens to parents. And fortunately no permanent harm was done. However, their retelling of the story is interesting My dad tells how (laughter brimming in his eyes) they were sitting there, enjoying themselves, when they heard “thump, thump, thump... wham!” “And there you were!” (Ha ha...) “leaning upside down against the wall, on the landing of the stairs.” Apparently he rushed to me, and snatched me up. Assuring mom all was well. They used to joke that was why I had such a short neck (they used to say “no neck”) as a child. “You squashed it out in the fall!” *** Now, I won’t judge them too harsh...

In Africa, my wife’s body rebelled against her, and against the heat. She was in constant physical distress: always in heat exhaustion, and often close to heat stroke. This caused us a lot of stress. One thing I particularly worried about was, “what if we have an accident, and the car is stuck immobile for hours?” She could not survive without AC, and I could imagine her dying in front of our children, with an angry mob outside. One day, my fears seemed to be realized. I was turning in to our compound. To do so, I needed to turn through oncoming traffic. Traffic was not the same there as it is here. Motorcycles wizzed by at incredible speeds, cars drove by not much slower, bicycles passed, camels plodded along, pedestrians wandered about, and cows chewed cud and garbage watching the whole thing. On this very corner, a missionary had been involved in a fatal accident a few years ago: by my accident was not fatal, because God delivered me from that. As I was turning left, a reckles...

[A note to my sister-in-law] Hey ____. I was just rereading your comments on your post on Facebook. I'm sure we'll discuss this when we visit tomorrow, although with kids around, i'm not sure how much we'll be at liberty to share. Anyway, your comment about "we never know which version we will get when they visit" stuck out to me. I have thought that too. I called recently, expecting to get "bad cop" and got "good cop" instead. It really threw me. So which one is the "real" one? The last couple months have been hugely eye-opening to myself. I've been on this crazy spiritual quest complete with dreams and crazy experiences with God. Real pilgrimage sort of craziness. We’ve read a lot of books, and had some top-notch counselling too. Some key terms have been “narcissistic personality disorder,” “sociopath,” and "chaotic and controlled" family structures. Maybe these terms would mean something to yourself as well...

Please god deliver me in every way from the emotional, spiritual, social, generational, financial, material, and social media influence of my parents.

The River Event: - Dad attempted to walk across a river with three boys, at a small slate rapids/falls often enjoyed by tubers. I could not hold his hand, since he was already holding two boys. When I told him I was slipping, he yelled (or growled?) angrily at me to not fall. I did fall and was swept downstream. Realizing there was a deep pool at the bottom of the  I yelled, and an unknown bystander ran into the river and saved me. Family interpretation - (Implied) “wow, what an adventure!” - “Wow, you sure yelled!” (Embarrassment? Naming me as a “loud-mouth”?) Childhood interpretation - Great story to tell friends! - Shame: I chose to fall (still unsure if this is true or not, on some level) - Gratitude to stranger     - Confusion, as I later saw him littering     - Confusion, also, that dad wouldn’t let me go and thank him Adult interpretation - My dad was very foolish, and almost killed me as a child - If I did fall because I was mad abo...

I began my run by listening to your mother, by pink Floyd Mother, do you think they'll drop the bomb? Mother, do you think they'll like the song? Mother, do you think they'll try to break my balls? Mother, should I build the wall? Mother, should I run for president? Mother, should I trust the government? Mother, will they put me in the firing line? Is it just a waste of time? Hush now baby, baby, don't you cry. Mamma's gonna make all of your nightmares come true. Mamma's gonna put all of her fears into you. Mamma's gonna keep you right here under her wing, She won't let you fly but she might let you sing. Mamma's gonna keep baby cosy and warm. Oooh babe Oooh babe Lyrics continue below Ooh babe, of course Mamma's gonna help build the wall. Mother, do think she's good enough... for me? Mother, do think she's dangerous... to me? Mother, will she tear your little boy apart? Mother, will she break my heart? Hush now b...

Key Principles: 1. These people are my (biological) parents, not my friends 2. I am not responsible for their emotions: I never was 3. They have lost all normal rights and privileges through their sins 4. They have shown themselves to be dangerous on every level 5. They have shown themselves to be a very significant threat to myself, my health, and my family 6. I do not need to give them access to:     1. My children     2. My private thoughts     3. My house     4. My possessions 7. If I chose to give them access, it is a pure gift to someone who does not deserve it Note carefully: Protect your joys and successes, especially those you made without, or in spite of them. They will try to destroy them Note: What is going on inside of me feels like a huge conflict and crisis: but what I want them to feel is only a slow, cool, calm moving away. I’m not angry and wrathful and vengeful. I am just not really interested in spending time w...