"Yes I was asking for space..." (Unsent reply to my mother) Jan 6

On December 21, I asked my parents for space. A week later, my mother sent me a very long, confusing, and emotionally-ladened e-mail basically demanding that we allow them access. The following is the first-draft of an e-mail which I did not send.

Yes, I was wishing for distance, and yes, you are sharing too much. I set a boundary and you crossed it.

This shows that you do not respect me.

I am allowed my personal space. I am allowed to protect my children as I see fit.

I do see you both as unsafe, but I do not owe you an explanation.

The law does not require that I allow unsafe people into my life. If you take me to court, I will find people to testify against you: and you know what lies in your past.

I do not avoid conflict: I have shown bravery in many conflicts, especially including this current one.

Respect does not necessarily include contact, or advice.

Forgiveness does not include trust, or restored relationships.

The reason I am not communicating is because I need space for this time.

The reason I am not telling you WHY I find you unsafe is because I know that you will argue, or find a way around anything I say.

And I am not looking for restoration at this point: I am looking for space.

This is space you have not given me.

This letter proves to me that I am right: you do not respect my boundaries, and you will use any means necessary to get what you want.

But I assure you, I am strong enough to protect myself, and my family.

- Ishmael

Note: I was counselled by a therapist that if I wanted space, the best thing that I could do was to stick to my boundaries, and not reply to their e-mail at all. So I did not send this, nor have I sent them anything else to date (writing this February 25th).