More thoughts on Bon Jovi
[Written retroactively, February 25th]
In a recent post, I spoke about how I felt incredibly inspired by Bon Jovi's song, "It's my life," as I blocked my parents on Facebook, and took back control of that aspect of my life. I continued listening to Bon Jovi, downloading other albums to listen to while on our family vacation (which we took to avoid my parents, and any potential stress-inducing encounters).
In my previous post, I mentioned the word "rebellion." I think that as Christians, we tend to think of rebellion as a bad thing. And in some cases, of course, it is. However, the Bible does say, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24). Christians tend to interpret this as happening on one's wedding day: and certainly the bit about "becoming one flesh" aught to be saved until the wedding. However...what about the leaving part?
Does anybody seriously think that all that is required to "leave" one's parents is to walk down the aisle, give a farewell kiss...and that's that? It seems like there is more required.
The bond between parent and child is very tight. It needs to be. It is a matter of survival.
And for teens...there is a need to break away. Not always -- sometimes, the breaking is done with respect, and over time. The ancient Jews declared their sons to be "men" at the age of 13. Oh yes, they still lived at home. But now, they had adult responsibilities, could make adult mistakes, and started learning adult decision-making skills. However, it seems that nowadays, it is more common for parents to hold on longer. Much, much longer.
And rebellion is necessary. If the parents won't let go, then the children sometimes have to make them. It is a necessary thing. Necessary for the parent, necessary for the child. Necessary for the future spouse, their children, for generations. A child with an umbilical cord attached will turn septic and die. Imagine if the cord is still attached after thirty years.
As I listened, I thought about the "sword of light" that I had seen in my hypnotherapy session regarding my mother. It was a very clear image in my mind, even though my conscious mind did not know what to do about it. As I listened to more "teenage rebellion music," and thought more about this sword, I thought about Mary.
And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary His mother, “Behold, this Child is appointed for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and for a sign to be opposed— and a sword will pierce even your own soul—to the end that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” Luke 2:34-35
The child is appointed...to change the world. To cause opposition. To move into his destiny. To move...away from her. And a sword pierces her soul. Because she loves him, and doesn't want to let go.
I thought...there is always going to be a profound pain in the leaving of a child. You give so much love, and then they turn around and leave you, and love somebody else. How painful is that? But it is the pain of a parent, freely given.
"But if she will not bear the pain herself, sometimes the son needs to plunge the sword in himself."
It is a dark image. But I think accurate. Either you let your children go, and bless them (weeping as you do), or you try to hold on to long. Until the relationship becomes toxic, and they turn and one day say to your face, "I hate you," and pull away in a more violent way. (See earlier posts about my fear of hurting my mother)
As I thought more about these things, I looked at the album cover and could not believe it!
The album cover had an image of a winged sword, piercing a bleeding (and sick-looking) heart!
I still don't know what it all means. But it was powerful to see a connection between an image I saw basically in a dream, a Bible passage I've known forever, and an album from a secular rebellious rocker which all came together to speak to me powerfully about my relationship to my mother.
Yes, children need to "leave" their parents, to join their spouses. Yes, parents need to let go. Yes, this is painful. The pain is meant to be freely chosen by the parent: but if not, maybe at times the child needs to initiate the pain. And isn't this very moment of pain for the mother, the moment of freedom for the child?
In a recent post, I spoke about how I felt incredibly inspired by Bon Jovi's song, "It's my life," as I blocked my parents on Facebook, and took back control of that aspect of my life. I continued listening to Bon Jovi, downloading other albums to listen to while on our family vacation (which we took to avoid my parents, and any potential stress-inducing encounters).
In my previous post, I mentioned the word "rebellion." I think that as Christians, we tend to think of rebellion as a bad thing. And in some cases, of course, it is. However, the Bible does say, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Gen. 2:24). Christians tend to interpret this as happening on one's wedding day: and certainly the bit about "becoming one flesh" aught to be saved until the wedding. However...what about the leaving part?
Does anybody seriously think that all that is required to "leave" one's parents is to walk down the aisle, give a farewell kiss...and that's that? It seems like there is more required.
The bond between parent and child is very tight. It needs to be. It is a matter of survival.
And for teens...there is a need to break away. Not always -- sometimes, the breaking is done with respect, and over time. The ancient Jews declared their sons to be "men" at the age of 13. Oh yes, they still lived at home. But now, they had adult responsibilities, could make adult mistakes, and started learning adult decision-making skills. However, it seems that nowadays, it is more common for parents to hold on longer. Much, much longer.
And rebellion is necessary. If the parents won't let go, then the children sometimes have to make them. It is a necessary thing. Necessary for the parent, necessary for the child. Necessary for the future spouse, their children, for generations. A child with an umbilical cord attached will turn septic and die. Imagine if the cord is still attached after thirty years.
As I listened, I thought about the "sword of light" that I had seen in my hypnotherapy session regarding my mother. It was a very clear image in my mind, even though my conscious mind did not know what to do about it. As I listened to more "teenage rebellion music," and thought more about this sword, I thought about Mary.
And Simeon blessed them and said to Mary His mother, “Behold, this Child is appointed for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and for a sign to be opposed— and a sword will pierce even your own soul—to the end that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed.” Luke 2:34-35
The child is appointed...to change the world. To cause opposition. To move into his destiny. To move...away from her. And a sword pierces her soul. Because she loves him, and doesn't want to let go.
I thought...there is always going to be a profound pain in the leaving of a child. You give so much love, and then they turn around and leave you, and love somebody else. How painful is that? But it is the pain of a parent, freely given.
"But if she will not bear the pain herself, sometimes the son needs to plunge the sword in himself."
It is a dark image. But I think accurate. Either you let your children go, and bless them (weeping as you do), or you try to hold on to long. Until the relationship becomes toxic, and they turn and one day say to your face, "I hate you," and pull away in a more violent way. (See earlier posts about my fear of hurting my mother)
As I thought more about these things, I looked at the album cover and could not believe it!
I still don't know what it all means. But it was powerful to see a connection between an image I saw basically in a dream, a Bible passage I've known forever, and an album from a secular rebellious rocker which all came together to speak to me powerfully about my relationship to my mother.
Yes, children need to "leave" their parents, to join their spouses. Yes, parents need to let go. Yes, this is painful. The pain is meant to be freely chosen by the parent: but if not, maybe at times the child needs to initiate the pain. And isn't this very moment of pain for the mother, the moment of freedom for the child?
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